Somebody call the Pause Police.

Some things really shouldn't be funny, cos they're just a bit juvenile but ah well, I love a bit of childish humour sometimes. Anyhow, came across this site some time ago and thought I'd blog about it.

Cracked.com put together a couple of lists of 'The Most Unintentionally Gay Rap Lyrics Ever' and some of the quotes cracked me right up. As the author explained, "...context can be everything when talking about song lyrics. It's easy to pull one line from a homophobic tough-guy gangsta rapper that, on its own, makes him sound ravenously gay."

Here are a selection of some of my favourites

NERD - Rockstar
The Lyric: "Guess you ain't heard that we swallow guys."

What He's Probably Saying: "You may not know this, but we're very monster-like in the way we approach confrontation."

What We Like To Think He's Saying: "In case you haven't heard, we swallow, guys."

........................................................................

Canibus - Second Round K.O.
The Lyric: "You might got more cash than me, but you ain't got the skills to eat a nigga's ass like me."

What He's Probably Saying: "Despite what your extravagant wealth may imply, I am, in fact, the more superior rapper and can destroy the ego of any opponent."

What We Like To Think He's Saying: "You might be rich, but you will never toss a salad the way I do."

........................................................................

50 Cent - Piggy Bank
The Lyric: "Yayo, bring the condoms, I'm in room 203."
What He's Probably Saying: "Dude, bring me some condoms, I'm gonna nail this chick, I'm in room 203."

What We Like To Think He's Saying: "Dude, f**k it, let's have sex, bring condoms, I'm in room 203."


lol lol lol

Ah sorry, I'm in one of those moods.


More at cracked.com

I Want This One Vol. 2.5

Hard and a little bit scarey but I want this ring.

That is all.

1Xtra Live - Dizzee, Tinchy and JLS sets (Video)

Last night, 1Xtra held it's biggest music event yet and I reckon it was a success. 1Xtra Live in Sheffield  ended up featuring the following:

Jay Sean, Sugababes, Chipmunk, Tinchy Stryder, Fuda Guy, Dirty Danger, Chase and Status, Plan B, Kano, Ghetts, Skepta, Donaeo, Taio Cruz, Dizzee Rascal, Smurfie Syco, Calvin Harris...

It was so nice to see so many UK 'urban music' artists all on one line-up performing to a crowd on that scale. Unfortunately, as I was working to some stupidly intense levels, and not just watching the show inside the Arena, I can't say who was best, you'll have to judge that for yourselves, but I will say the JLS fans were out in full force. Screaming down the place in the arena and absolutely taking over the live online chat.  Seriously, the hysteria those guys cause with young girls is truly mad.

Chipmunk went in hard, coming back after all the recent dramas, Dizzee rocked it as per, and well Kano brought Ghetts and Skepta on so you know thats happy times for me.

Couple vids for ya - Dizzee Rascal, Tinchy Stryder & JLS performances but the rest are gonna be up on the 1Xtra site during this week.

More pics, vids etc from 1Xtra Live

RIP Squingy - The soundclash culture will miss you

Yesterday I heard about the passing of one of my favourite soundsystem selectors yesterday, the legendary Bass Odyssey clash specialist Squingy.

As one of the most recognisable faces of the Jamaican sound, he was at the helm when Bass Odyssey took the Holy Trinity of sound clashes, winning Death Before Dishonour, the World Clash in New York and the UK Cup Clash. Fortunately, I got to cheer along and see him at a couple of UK Cup Clashes, The last one being 'The Final Conflict' at London's Stratford Rex last year.

Sadly, after suffering from a 'terminal illness' for several years, Kevin 'Squingy' Bennett passed away in a Florida hospital yesterday morning.

Rest in peace to the Number 1 selector from 'the country'.
x

1Xtra Live - Who should've been on the line-up?

1Xtra's signature music event 1Xtra Live, is happenning with Saturday in Sheffield and has quite a strong UK line-up. Dizzee Rascal, Jay Sean, JLS, Kano, Chase & Status, Taio Cruz, Tinchy Stryder, Donae'o, Chipmunk and another, as yet unannounced, act. Not bad eh? I'm actually looking forward to it, even though I'd have loved to see a couple of other people on the line-up eg. Wiley or Boy Better Know.

Well, this morning, Sway had a good old twitter moan about not being asked to perform.

I woke up extremly mad @a radio station who shuld have put me on the bill for their fourth comin event, its been buggin me for weeks!

Proper pisstake as Ive always done everythin theyve asked since 2002, & they have supported me in the past now they have a bigger platform..

They're taking the piss 2years in a row. Last year I forced my way onto that bill by going on with Akon & then Lupe, in my own country...tut

When I won my 1st major award I thanked them only.. And they didn't even really support my last single the way I felt they should have...

.. Ive sn artists take the piss not do the interviews or drops, not turn up for their shows or act like divas but they still get the support

Now, let's all be real here - 'Mercedes Benz' grew on me and was a good tune. It didn't set the place alight in clubland or the charts. Still, he's working hard, got the support of Akon and all that...but personal preference aside though, look at the success of these artists - who should Sway replace?

Dizzee, Taio, Tinchy, Chipmunk, Jay Sean and JLS have all had top 5 hits nationally this year, the teens luv 'em and their names are commercial pulls. That leaves us with Kano, Donae'o and Chase & Status.

Donae'o = Biggest funky act this year and has been mashing up clubland
Chase & Status = Huge success this year, produced 2 tracks on Rhianna's album, 1 on Jay-Z's and just got to no.9 in the UK national charts
Kano = one of the sickest grime/hip hop (whatever u wanna call it) MCs here and again, he's got a pretty strong following.

Unfortunately, Sway's just not in the same league at the mo. God knows how the decisions were made on who would be asked to perform, but instead of moaning and carrying feelings, I reckon he should just work harder, show everyone that he can be more successful and then he can be the one holding all the cards when the next big event comes around.

Moaning only makes him look lame.


1Xtra Live info

Oh Em Gee! Wanna squirt of MJ DNA?

Uh...honestly I think this sounds so wrong and I'm actually kinda hoping it's not true, but coming soon to a Perfume Shop near you...

'M is an exclusive one-of-a-kind fragrance that explodes into an indescribable fragrance, which seemly draws the attention of every person in the room. It is composed of the lightest, but most volatile essences. Much like the performer himself, this cologne is unique and like no other cologne in the world. We guarantee it.

M is engineered from the DNA genetic code of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson.'

Yup, you too can splash Michael Jackson's DNA all over yourself (insert tasteless joke here). No disrespect, cos he was the King of Pop and I'm sure I'll always love his music, but seriously, why would you want to wear the DNA of a dead person?

'Where the hell did they get the DNA of the deceased King of Pop?' I hear you ask. Well the answer is just as creepy as the whole concept in my opinion.

'DNA tests performed on hair clippings provided by celebrity hair collector John Reznikoff are used to develop the scents'

Hair collector? WTF!

Grim grim grim. I really hope this is a bad joke.

Wiley & Chew Fu - Take That [Video]

Um once again - WILEY IS THE MAN!

The video's mad and the tune is sick.

That is all.